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Jasmatbhai is driving
his van along Carrington road,

he is seventy eight,
he is on his way to help
run his family’s fruit market,
he is a follower
of Gandhi’s principles,
of peace and forgiveness,
he is driving his blue van

across an intersection
by the second gate
of the Unitec campus,
by the main gate
of a primary school

he brakes too late,
his van collides
with the BMW ahead,
causing dents, minor damage

the young owner
of the black BMW
cannot tolerate,
this thick-armed student,
this bodybuilder, this car lover
flies out his BMW
opens the van and pulls
the elderly pacifist out,
throws him across the kerbside
and proceeds to redden the grass,
deaf to the man’s pleas
and promises of reparation

Jasmatbhai is beaten
and beaten and beaten
until a resident pulls
his attacker away.

He is not moving now.
The police have arrived.

Only thirteen minutes afterwards
the resident notices the dark
stains all over his own pants
and lower shirt, his hands:

he can see at once
there is too much blood.
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:iconpseudometry:

Author's Comments

This actually occured, about 100m or so from where I live:

[link]

[link]

There are some flowers marking the spot now. This is probably the first piece I've written motivated by anger, and I'm not sure it did the quality of writing any favours.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconoldest-boy:
wow.

(thick with imagery;
proper close to a power-
ful piece.)

--
'SHARKS DON'T SLEEP' a collection of poems by Eric Hamilton.
:iconkneelingglory:
I think the quality is just fine, my dear. The story comes across very clearly and the anger is subtle. It heats up as the story progresses, from mild simmer to boiling rage. I like that, I think it is more effective than overt anger would be.

--
*DailyLitDeviations | *Critique-It | =TheContestClub | *DailyDeviants

Not For Sale: Fighting Human Slavery
:iconcornerstoneascetic:
I like the implications of guilt in the final lines. Powerful.
:iconblueskye27:
This really happened? Oh, it's awful... :(

You capture it well.
:iconinverseangel:
Quite brave to find poetry in scene so devoid of grace.

--
"Now that you have your freedom, how will you hide it from robbers?"-Ho Chi Zen
:iconr-mitchell:
as the story developed i was kindof hoping it would not be true, but realising that it was.

the tone you've used is so appropriate, especially as you say it was written in anger. the simplicity, the explictness, not shying away from detail but neither divulging in excess.

you build character so succinctly but in such an evocative way ("this thick-armed student,
this bodybuilder, this car lover") and i particularly love how we are brought into the story at the end by engaging with the "passive" onlooker, who has blood on his clothes.

the more i think about this piece the more heartbreaking it is, and the more i empathize with your anger.
:icone--motiona--l:
Aw :-(

--
Why did you have to shoot me through the heart?
Where do you think you shot me?
:iconeatingmyownfears:
asdfjl;a!! wow!

--
Don't blame me.

I'm just here for the cookies.
:iconpseudometry:
Thank you.

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconpseudometry:
I know...

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky

Details

April 13
1.3 KB

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