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Largesse by ~pseudometry:iconpseudometry:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


I stood in the dim fringes
of your party, watching
your table, the porcelain platter
set thick with olives,
smooth green-skinned,
stuffed with pimentos
glistening like tiny rubies.

I watched as your guests
enjoyed olives in handfuls,
came back to gorge again,
and thought I would like
just one olive, a nice one,
and would be grateful then.
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:iconpseudometry:

Author's Comments

We can always delude ourselves.

Comments


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:iconshadowdraconian:
~shadowdraconian Jun 1, 2009, 4:58:46 PM
:XD: love the implication of being an outsider watching this party. nice lyricism. :)

--
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. -- Dave Barry

Straight from the Heart [link]
Click!-> [link]
:iconpseudometry:
~pseudometry Jun 1, 2009, 4:59:24 PM
Thank you very much

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconblueskye27:
*Blueskye27 Jun 1, 2009, 6:09:37 PM
A nice flow to this piece, and the title raises questions that set the reader to thinking about whose largesse the poem is about. I think it might be stronger without the "or whatever" at the end of the first stanza. I can't decide if the narrator is a servant or someone outside. Nicely mysterious. :clap:
:iconpseudometry:
~pseudometry Jun 1, 2009, 6:12:37 PM
Thank you.
Yeah, you may be right about the "or whatever". Good point.

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconpseudometry:
~pseudometry Jun 1, 2009, 8:04:28 PM
Glad you specifically like the flow, too: I worked over the metering quite a bit with this piece.

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconblueskye27:
*Blueskye27 Jun 1, 2009, 8:05:51 PM
The changes made a difference. Very nice. :clap:
:iconpseudometry:
~pseudometry Jun 1, 2009, 8:08:04 PM
:) Glad you thought so. Thanks again for your feedback.

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconahomeforandie:
~ahomeforandie Jun 1, 2009, 10:21:04 PM
Mournful, sad, stoic, really down-to-earth, homely feel with the olive metaphor.
:iconamy--louise:
~Amy--Louise Jun 2, 2009, 7:24:19 AM
I have really been enjoying your poems lately. You have been very prolific. Consistent may be a better word. They are just a pleasure to read; approachable and friendly with a touch of odd. "Red as a ruby" is a bit cliche, if there was a criticism, I suppose.

:+fav:

--
"To avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.":frail:
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