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Daily Deviation
Daily Deviation
June 3, 2013
Long Time Coming by ~pseudometry
Featured by BeccaJS
Suggested by Dr-Vergissmeinnicht
Literature
Sacchariferous
for the Admiral
my dandelions speak of
the kitchen, brimming
with sun-streaked sugar
and mended-over smiles.
floured fingerprints cloud the sky,
but every broken egg is one more yellow flower.
in sweetgrass and flowers
i find white-leaf bandages for cracked shells. coils of
sky
fill the bowl to the brim-
the world is a clean smile
wrapped in sugar.
everything here is white and pale as sugar
gathered to mend your flowered
smile.
i wish you'd swallow always fields of
dandelions that brim
with every clean, clear sky.
i'll measure out the sky
in cups of sugar.
fogged upon the rim
of the flour bowl- your fingerprints in flowe
Literature
The Long Wind
Overhead, the scratched Perspex of the canopy has been pulled down and latched into place. The pilot, sat in the back seat, gives the thumbs up and the ground crew step back. Off in the distance, the small black speck of the winch puffs exhaust smoke causing the cable hidden in the grass to snake wildly. Drawn taut, the glider jumps then bounces and judders across the field.
Suddenly, there is calm and all that can be seen ahead is the clear blue of a summer's evening sky. Off to the side, the horizon tilts at a crazy angle, slowly levelling out before the cable comes free, falling away. The glider bows once to the land below befo
Literature
Bringing Down Sweeney
I asked him who he was, and he said, "I'm Sweeney," and I believed him. I probably shouldn't have, except that it was true. I can always tell when people are telling the truth.
Mum and Dad were still in the last battles of the divorce, so I was trying to keep myself out of their hair as much as possible. This was why I had packed two cornmeal pancakes and an old plastic dish of syrup and was heading out into nowhere, where I wasn't necessarily wanted but sure as hell wasn't unwelcome. Not that I was resentful about it or anything. Nobody wants to fight in an amphitheater. Well, nobody but gladiators, but you don't see a lot of those around
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I was just thinking, the other day, on the real human impact of new technologies supposed to improve our lives.
If anyone feels generously critiquey, the standard points for critique are always welcome:
-Plot holes, or unsatisfactorily explained/justified implausibilities
-Whether the whole thing actually really works or not
-Any points where the prose doesn't sound like the viewpoint character's train of thought, actions, sounds more like authorial intrusion
-Whether you felt reading this story actually constituted a good use of your time
-Viewpoint character having a clear and understandable goals or desires that serve as the motivation behind their actions
-Whether any parts jar or are distracting when you read
-Any parts that tell' too much instead of 'showing'
And anything else useful, really.
If anyone feels generously critiquey, the standard points for critique are always welcome:
-Plot holes, or unsatisfactorily explained/justified implausibilities
-Whether the whole thing actually really works or not
-Any points where the prose doesn't sound like the viewpoint character's train of thought, actions, sounds more like authorial intrusion
-Whether you felt reading this story actually constituted a good use of your time
-Viewpoint character having a clear and understandable goals or desires that serve as the motivation behind their actions
-Whether any parts jar or are distracting when you read
-Any parts that tell' too much instead of 'showing'
And anything else useful, really.
Comments76
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That is amazing. VERY good job. It works: it's a good meditation on the fate of people as the world changes around them. I like the repeated italicised words. 