UPDATED. Thanks everyone for the feedback so far!
Critique suggestions for anyone in a giving kind of mood:
*Plot holes, or unsatisfactorily explained/justified implausibilities
*Whether the whole thing actually really works or not
*Any points where the prose doesn't sound like the viewpoint character's train of thought, actions, sounds more like authorial intrusion
*Whether you felt reading this story actually constituted a good use of your time
*Viewpoint character having a clear and understandable goals or desires that serve as the motivation behind their actions
*Whether any parts jar or are distracting when you read
*Any parts that tell' too much instead of 'showing'
And anything else useful, really