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My Lover, An Apple by ~pseudometry:iconpseudometry:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


My lover has left an apple
waiting on my doorstep:
firm fleshed, green-skinned, one blemish
small and flaxen coloured

is how it would have seemed, had it not
been left unsignalled,
growing over-ripe in hot sun, till
I rushed out unaware, geysering
warm mush beneath my shoe

the brusque scent of semi-rancid apple
follows my steps throughout the hall
and across my neat lounge:
reminding me how sweet
well timed words could be
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:iconpseudometry:

Author's Comments

After reading many of your pieces recently I have been inspired, and I have decided from here on out to repent of my abstract tendencies and try to write more concretely, specifically.
And also (attempt to) pay more attention to prosody, scansion.

I think they work fairly well in the first strophe of this poem, at least.

Comments


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:iconb1gfan:
*b1gfan Dec 18, 2008, 10:33:26 PM
Perfect and wonderful and yet so gross :D The counterpoint of the intention and the effect, of the word and the apple, of sweet and rotten...Well, it's a very nicely built piece!
:iconx-silentscreams-x:
~x-SilentScreams-x Dec 19, 2008, 5:47:47 AM
I love the contradiction between what is was supposed to mean and what it ended up being. The detail is wonderful and well thought of. This is an amazing piece.

--
We speak in riddles
Expecting the world
To listen between the lines
:iconr-mitchell:
~r-mitchell Dec 19, 2008, 12:06:41 PM
"have decided from here on out to repent of my abstract tendencies and try to write more concretely, specifically"
not something that needs to be "repented of", but it's a great stylistic change nonetheless :)
:iconpseudometry:
~pseudometry Dec 19, 2008, 11:54:12 PM
Thanks very much Dave, a wonderful comment [=

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconpseudometry:
~pseudometry Dec 19, 2008, 11:55:59 PM
Thank you. I don't know... I think sometimes if I write too abstractly, write purely what makes sense in my own mind, I might as well leave it in my own mind and not try and transmit it into someone else's. That is how my thoughts on the matter are currently going, anyway.

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconpseudometry:
~pseudometry Dec 19, 2008, 11:58:12 PM
Thank you very much. It felt like a change of pace for me, and as such I'm glad it came out reasonably well.

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconr-mitchell:
~r-mitchell Dec 20, 2008, 12:48:11 AM
i say put it out there, and let other people decide whether they want to try and grab hold of what's going on in your mind, or leave it in peace.
:iconpseudometry:
~pseudometry Dec 20, 2008, 12:53:53 AM
That, I think, is definitely the artist's way. I think though I am heading more towards the artisan .

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconblueskye27:
*Blueskye27 Dec 20, 2008, 8:48:31 AM
Very nicely done, Jamie. I think there's nothing wrong with your abstractions, but to back them up concretely like this makes them all the better. :clap:
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